Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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