saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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