as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
