Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
