Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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