Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
