Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
