You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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