What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
