So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
