I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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