walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
