How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
