he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
