did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
