I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
