I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
