She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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