I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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