Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
