genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I party with great urgency now.
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