Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize