I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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