Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
