We won't sleep together?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
