hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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