I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
