I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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