Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
