So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
