I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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