Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Randomize
