it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
