your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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