Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
