i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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