I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
