There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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