think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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