I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
