I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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