I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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