2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
