Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i think i have herpe
just one?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
