I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
