woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
