His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
