I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
