Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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