so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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