We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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