Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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