she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
