I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize