literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
