Are we in a gay sports bar?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
