I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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