There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish you could order shots online.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
