He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
