Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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