that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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