OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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