I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize