He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
