Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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