their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's official drugs can't kill me
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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