Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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