Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
