I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
