Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
