why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
