Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
