Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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