we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
