he thought i was a dude.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize