i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
