I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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