dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
FUCK WHALES
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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