Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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