Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize